dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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