Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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