fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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