Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
