Your mouth is God's brothel.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
