Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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