Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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