I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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