just tell him i said nine months
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
