yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
