with your own penis?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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