so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Two words: blizzard sex
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
