ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
