The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
