just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
