I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize