I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I deserve this hangover.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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