So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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