The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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