Church boner. Awkwardddd
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
