Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
