At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
