Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
