the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
