I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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