Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
