i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
