Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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