I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
