you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
