Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
