I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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