I am in a vortex of obligation.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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