What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
