well I can't set my house on fire every night
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
