I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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