Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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