Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
