There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
no you cant smoke seaweed
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
