he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
do herpes really smell.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
