I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Found the puke drawer
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
