DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
