I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
