one might say we're banned from that church
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
