i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
