Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
