if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
