I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We're too hungover to prance.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
