dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
