TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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