I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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