You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
