I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
