Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
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