I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize