He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
