You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
