maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
