Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
