yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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