I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
