Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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