apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
