please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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