my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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