Your face is a jimmy john
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
