You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
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I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
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I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize