I CAN MOONWALK!
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
