It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
